thelilnan:

employer: why should we hire you?

me: i got first place on Rainbow Road

employer: holy shit

puppymother:

in grade 11 i was on the phone w this boy i wanted and i owed him a favour or something so i was like “it can be anything you want” and he was like “anything?” and im like ya thats what i fuckin said and he goes “can you explain to me how a fridge works? like how does it stay cold”

  • When I'm late: these ppl gotta chill I'm exactly where I got to be at this moment. God put me here for a reason, I ain't suppose to rush the universe.
  • When somebody else late: u stay irresponsible. Trash the fuck why u always late? How u go to work?? Lazy filth I've. Been waiting outside for 5 mins.... WHERE THE HELL U AT???!!
  • fragileclara:

    greybies:

    who even came up with the word motherfucker in the first place?

    oedipus

    intj-confessions:

justmyflawedlogic:

hamacidal:

ultrafunnypictures:

You can read up to 500 words per minute

THIS MADE ME CRY WHAT THE FUCK

I have an android app that does this and let me tell you, reading slashfic at 700wpm is a near-spiritual experience.

Holy crap.

    intj-confessions:

    justmyflawedlogic:

    hamacidal:

    ultrafunnypictures:

    You can read up to 500 words per minute

    THIS MADE ME CRY WHAT THE FUCK

    I have an android app that does this and let me tell you, reading slashfic at 700wpm is a near-spiritual experience.

    Holy crap.

    neatvibes:

    most common thought: damn haha im going to have to deal with that sooner or later

    supnoah:

    do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut the fuck up even when they aren’t talking

    "Unbeing dead isn’t being alive."
    E.E. Cummings (via kushandwizdom)